I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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