A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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