Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
