The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
