i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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