My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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