He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize