I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
