we're blogging at a bar
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
