Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
