Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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