i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
