Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
