So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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