Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
