Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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