i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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