So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
