She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
