He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
