you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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