so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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