too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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