apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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