Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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