i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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