My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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