How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
