You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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