We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
