yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
