the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
