Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
