I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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