I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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