The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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