naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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