So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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