discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
