why didn't you poke me back
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
