Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
