seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
