I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize