Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
