So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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