My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
