Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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