dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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