u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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