just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize