I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
