I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
