kristin has been a bad kristin
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize