Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
