no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
