six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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