whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
