i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
