SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
