my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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