my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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