Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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