i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
