Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
