I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize