apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
