everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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