I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
