do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
