when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
