he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
