don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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