You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
