Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
