im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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