they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
