I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
