I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
