Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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