Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
