You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We need a shit load of segways right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
