we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
