so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
