he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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