I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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