im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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