i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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