I will die if light touches me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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