he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
