Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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