I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
