then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
