did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
