I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize