just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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