I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
